For Reasons Most of Us Never Hear

    The  mother and two sisters of Staff Sergeant Danny Gresham will be among those making the pilgrimage to Arlington National Cemetery this coming weekend to honor loved ones killed in Iraq.  The Greshams, like so many other families, wonder if the Iraq war is worth the price in killed and wounded.  Then the mother and older sister of 23 year old Danny Gresham look at their Korean heritage and tell themselves that this newest of  confusing and unpopular wars will eventually bring Iraqis the same kind of freedoms they themselves are now enjoying in the United States.

      Esther Yu Chin Gresham, 59, Danny’s mother, told me  during a recent conversation in the kitchen of  her modest home on the North Side of  Chicago where the American flag flies out front that the only way she can accept Danny’s death on February 24, 2005 is to believe in the cause of freedom and that she will see him again soon in heaven.  The young Gresham volunteered to go to Iraq to hunt hidden bombs and hopefully disarm them before they could go off and kill others.  He himself was killed by an improvised explosive device and his  partner on the two-man bomb squad severely wounded.

    “If I’m not Christian, I might be crazy,” Mrs. Gresham said.  “But God gives me the strength daily.  I think the Iraq war is worth fighting because I come from Korea.  A lot of people in North Korea are suffering because the leader leads the people the wrong way.  A lot of  American soldiers came to South Korea and made us free. I think Danny go in a good cause.  God gave me 23 years of a good son.  I’m going to go see him some day in heaven.”

     In hopes of  making sure she does get to heaven to see Danny, Mrs. Gresham said she will keep doing as much good as she can for the world while she is still in it.  She is  active in the Korean Presbyterian church near her home.  She journeyed to China last year with a group of fellow church members to help the poor in a hospital there and send food to starving people in North Korea.

       Julie Ann Gresham-Stewart, 32, is conflicted about the Iraq war which killed her beloved brother but said because of her Korean heritage “how can I say now that the war is wrong?”  She said if President Harry Truman had not sent American troops to South Korea in 1950 to push back the invading North Korean Communist army, “I wouldn’t be here.  I probably would be in North Korea.  I probably would be a communist.  I’d be lucky if I even had a bowl of rice to eat.

      “So how can I go and say the Iraq war is bad?  Twenty years from now Iraqi women will be over here.  They won’t have to wear crazy burqas over their heads and get beaten because another man looks at them.”  Twenty years from now may be a time “when the Iraqi women have freedom and their children are free.  I wouldn’t have all that if you guys never went to Korea.  It’s truly sad if Bush is in Iraq because of oil.  But on the flip side, it’s truly a good thing if it turns out like Korea.

     “What bothers me most is not that my brother died but that my Mom lost her son.  That’s the part that really hurts because I hurt for her more than I hurt for me because of losing my brother.  I hurt for her because she lost her son.  My Mom just says she just wants to die.  She wants to do as much good here as she can, but she’s ready to go.  She’s done.  I think a lot of it has to do with my brother’s death because who wants to outlive their children?”

     Elizabeth “Liz” Chin Gresham, 31, tries to keep the memory of  brother Danny alive by running a web site in his name.  She initially thought invading Iraq was a good idea but no longer feels that way.  “I would like to think the war is helping the Iraqi people,” she said.  “I would like to think my brother didn’t die in vain.  But at this point I don’t think the war is doing either side any good.  So many people are being killed, and nothing is happening within the Iraqi government.  I wish our soldiers would come home and stop being killed needlessly.  I don’t think the war is worth it anymore.  How much can you give?  We’ve been there five years now.”

       So, just like the United States a whole, the Gresham family who grew up with Danny is divided on the issue of whether the Iraq war is still worth fighting.  (Danny’s father, Gene Gresham, a former Army sergeant who met Esther Gresham while stationed in South Korea, has been estranged from the family since Danny was four years old.)         Danny’s mother and older sister see light at the end of the long tunnel which is the Iraq war.  Julie Gresham sees nothing but more blackness.